


Trust Me

by flipflop_diva



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: During Canon, F/F, Natasha Needs a Hug, POV Maria Hill, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 16:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2475119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spies are slow to trust, and they do not take it well when that trust is compromised. Set during Captain America: The Winter Soldier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dirty_diana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirty_diana/gifts).



All it took was one look that lasted barely a millisecond and probably wasn’t even seen by anyone else in the room to destroy seven years of slowly built up trust — and maybe something more. Maria felt a hollow in her stomach when she saw it, even if she had known it would happen. She had led them into the room where Fury lay waiting for them, and the looks on both their faces sent guilt swimming through her, guilt she had long since thought she had stopped feeling. And then Natasha had turned her head — barely — and Maria had seen the flicker on her face.

Quick but there. A look that very clearly showed hurt and disappointment. A look that said “I trusted you.” And there was nothing Maria could do to change that look, to change what she had done. Even if she had saved their lives just a few hours ago, it didn’t matter. She had made a choice, and she still stood by it, but that look …

She knew now where Natasha would be hiding. Not that she was actually hiding, because Natasha never hid, but she was alone. Steve and Sam were outside, talking things over and taking things end. Nick was somewhere shaping up plans. But Maria found Natasha where she knew she would be — alone in the computer mainframe room checking over files and studying her plans for tomorrow.

Maria slipped in without making a sound and sat down in the empty chair beside Natasha. Natasha didn’t turn or give any indication that she knew Maria was there, but Maria knew she knew. Natasha always knew.

So Maria just waited, watching Natasha’s fingers fly over the keyboard, watching her eyes narrow in concentration — but also watching the slight tenseness Maria could see in her shoulders as Natasha waited for Maria to finally say something.

Eventually she did. If she did, neither one of them would ever talk again.

“I wanted to tell you,” Maria said simply.

For a moment, all that could be heard was the soft click of Natasha’s fingers working on the computer. Her eyes didn’t stray from what she was doing.

“But you didn’t.”

“No,” Maria said. “I couldn’t.”

“Right,” Natasha said.

“Nat,” Maria said, finally daring to address her as if this weren’t just a meeting between two SHIELD agents. Because it wasn’t. “It was Fury’s plan. This was how he wanted it. I couldn’t go against that. You know that.”

“You called me,” Natasha said, and her fingers finally stopped moving, but she still didn’t look at Maria. “You told me he was dying. I _watched_ him die. I _thought_ he died. I had to deal with that, and you let me.”

“I know.”

“Why?”

“Because it needed to look real. Because other people had to buy it, too.”

“So you used me.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“It feels like that.”

“Steve would have called you even if I hadn’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Natasha.” Maria stopped. She wasn’t sure what to say. Normally she could explain her way out of anything if she had to. And in a way, she shouldn’t even have to explain this. What Nick said was what had to happen. She didn’t have a choice unless she had wanted to go against SHIELD, unless she had wanted to risk Nick’s life. And she couldn’t do that. Not even if it meant not hurting Natasha.

But Natasha was hurt. And even if she wasn’t showing it, Maria could practically see the pain vibrate off of her. 

She leaned over, put her hand over Natasha’s. She felt a flicker under her hand, but that was it. Natasha didn’t try to pull away.

“If it was you,” Natasha said now, “would you have told me?”

“You’d be the first one I’d tell,” Maria said, and it was true. She knew it was.

“I thought you and Nick trusted me.”

“We _do_ trust you,” Maria said. “You know I do.”

“I actually don’t.”

Maria let go of Natasha’s hand and instead put her hand on the chair Natasha was sitting in, spinning it around so Natasha had to face her. Natasha’s eyes met hers. Wide, green, intense. On the surface, she wasn’t giving anything away, but Maria could see it, had learned to see what was inside a long time ago.

She reached up a hand, cupped Natasha’s cheek.

“I’m sorry,” she told her, “I wish there had been a different way.”

Natasha eyes flicked to Maria’s hand. Then she looked met her eyes. “Are there other things you aren’t telling me?” she asked.

Maria didn’t hesitate. “Yes,” she said simply, “You know there are.”

“Things that could hurt me?”

“Yes.”

Natasha nodded slowly. “And they’re more important than me?” She pushed Maria’s hand away, breaking the contact between them. Maria tried not to feel hurt. She knew what was behind it. 

Instead Maria shook her head. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t do that. You would do the same. Our jobs over everything. Even each other. That’s how it’s always been.”

“It’s never felt like this before.”

“I know.”

“After tomorrow, there won’t be a SHIELD.” Natasha stared pointedly at Maria.

“And after tomorrow,” Maria said, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“You promise?” Natasha’s voice was low, soft. Maria saw something flash in her eyes. Hope, maybe. Vulnerability. She reached back out, this time cupping her face with both her hands, holding her in place.

“I promise,” she said, and she did. Whatever happened from here on out, whatever she had to give up, whatever she had to lose, there was one thing she was not willing to lose.

She leaned forward, pressed her lips to Natasha’s, ran her hands through the red tangled curls. It took a few seconds, but then she felt Natasha respond, felt her lips moving beneath hers, felt her body sag slightly.

Maria stopped running her fingers through her hair and instead pulled her into her arms.

“We’re going to be okay, Nat,” she whispered. “I promise.”

“No more secrets?” Natasha asked softly.

“No more secrets,” Maria agreed, and for the first time in her life, she meant it.


End file.
